I would do it again...
Updated: Dec 28, 2021
I hope you all are doing well in this wonderful Spring season of 2021! Things are feeling better than they did last year. My prayer is that restrictions are completely lifted sometime this year! Enough is enough! We need normal activity again, especially a people person like me! One thing I cannot wait for is for concerts to resume. The last concert I went to is Jonathan McReynolds and it was phenomenal!
Well let me give you an update on what's going on in our lives over here.I truly am trying to be an open book to anyone I come across. Sometimes too open, I regret sharing certain things. Ha. What i'm trying to say is I want to share experiences and lessons learned if they help. I hope my life lived out will show; failures, hurts and pains do not have to stop you living your life to the fullest! Jesus can use the good, bad and ugly for your story here on earth. And remember we are just passing through! So use your time wisely :-)
Having my baby girl was one of the most amazing and painful experiences of my life! I went through so many emotions, and I can only compare it to getting ready for marriage. Excited and worried all at the same time. Preparing the car, the room, clothes and the house for all the changes about to come! People always give you advice wether you want to hear it or not (just like with marriage). Some are encouraging and others are completely discouraging. I understand people give you their experiences but I think we all should be a bit more careful to not make general statements and let people have their own. And be a bit more encouraging in the process. Encouragement never hurt nobody :-) I so appreciate those that have prayed with me and supported me all the way through. I literally have received help from everyone I know!
I went from an OBGYN, to 2 midwives and then back to the OBGYN office. I have had so many tests done it was annoying. I was told I had preeclampsia and I got tested multiple times all to come out negative. I also got the virus while in the hospital for testing. I had to stay as an inpatient which was the worst experience so close to term. I even had the NICU department talk with me about what would happen if the baby came out positive. I politely told the entire staff that I would be leaving soon, that I am negative and that the baby won't be positive. They all looked at me like "oh ok lady" but I knew in my spirit this is all unnecessary. I understand the hospital is there to help but my confidence wasn't in their expertise. It is first and foremost in Jesus Christ!
As I had felt in my spirit , all results came back normal and negative and I was sent home. I was so excited to not have my urine checked throughout the day and night anymore! What an experience! What I knew to do was pray and wait- so glad that I did. It is easy to jump to conclusions but I waited because I trusted the Lord would cover me and the baby. My mind would race and I would say, " I trust you Lord!".
Discharged from the hospital we had now to attend to ourselves as we were now under quarantine. Our wonderful church family came through with the meals and disinfectant! Oh to have a community of people around us in such a time. I love the Lord and I love you all who helped to bring us the goods!
After all was said and done in February the recommendation became to schedule an induction. I told the staff that I did not desire that so they waited two more weeks but they did not want to go past week 39. So of course I prayed that I could go naturally but it never happened. Sure I was disappointed because we were so close to term and I knew we could do it. Nevertheless the induction was schedule for the day I turned 39 weeks Monday March 15th 2021. My husband I and are went in not knowing when we would come back. out.
When we went in it felt cold and pale. It seemed this was so normal for people and staff but for me it was so abnormal. It just didn't feel right and I knew it wasn't His perfect will for us.
As each day and hour continued throughout my process in the hospital we had to think and pray through another decision after another decision. We didn't do anything without praying first which was so necessary.
I could share all of the details but let me just sum it up to this. I was not happy with my first child birth experience...
the confusion of opinions between all physicians involved
the pain of needing to be in a hospital and not being able to do a home-birth
the pressure of moving forward on their timeline
the pressure of moving care providers
the pain of needing an induction
the pain of failing to progress
It seems all of my plans were changed and a lot that I didn't want to happen- happened! I have shed many many tears and I am still processing all of this. Trauma is real and this experience did affect me. While I process and heal through this I do not regret my pregnancy. In fact, it was one of the most beautiful things ever and when I look into Talia's eyes I would do it all over again. What a gift from God she is. I count my new title as a mother as a great great honor.
I am not sad that I am a mother - Im so thankful
I am not overwhelmed by my duties or that my responsibilities have changed
or that I have much more on my plate than before while learning so much at the same time..
I am disappointed that I cannot change anything I experienced.
The medical field professionals I appreciate but had it not been for Holy Spirit walking me through each and every moment and giving me peace, I wouldn’t have made it. I don’t see how people do this alone. I wish I could be there for everyone who experiences things like this to cheer them on! (If that's you, YOU are amazingly strong and I have so much respect for you.
As for John my husband who cheered me Along the way... You encouraged me, you supported me, you prayed and believed with me! You stood in Faith with me! You didnt quit or allow things to get you discouraged! You didn’t get angry with God when things didn’t go our way! You Man of God , My Rock, My Lover, My Best Friend and My Pastor I wouldn’t have made it without in this process. Thank you for being constant ! I very much appreciate you Daddy and I am so much more in love with you 🥰
John, I love you man of God With my whole heart! <3
What I learned .... I had to put my trust in Jesus and fully rely on Him.
If you are facing challenges in life Place your hope in Jesus Christ today! He does not fail! He loves you and He will never leave you!!!!! I can't change anything but its ok - I know nothing is wasted in the kingdom of Jesus Christ! He will use it somehow!
1 Peter 1:3-6
Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ! According to his great mercy, he has caused us to be born again to a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead, to an inheritance that is imperishable, undefiled, and unfading, kept in heaven for you, who by God’s power are being guarded through faith for a salvation ready to be revealed in the last time. In this you rejoice, though now for a little while, if necessary, you have been grieved by various trials, so that the tested genuineness of your faith—more precious than gold that perishes though it is tested by fire—may be found to result in praise and glory and honor at the revelation of Jesus Christ.
Proverbs 3:4-5
Trust in the Lord with all your heart,
and jdo not lean on your own understanding.
In all your ways kacknowledge him,
and he lwill make straight your paths.
